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Tuesday, November 14th, 2006
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11:00 am
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My Labyrinth
I'm in a maze. A huge maze that stretches for decades in every direction. The hedges tower high above my grasp. I stand wondering, which path to take, which choice will lead me to the end wih the prize? There is no way of knowing. I just have to have faith in the maze, and my ability to navigate it. I have to trust in my instincts. But how can i be confident when I'm so used to doubting myself. How can i have faith when all the others, who had previously stood by my side, seemed to have wandered off in their own directions, leaving me on my own. Or did i leave them? When did this happen? It's getting dark now and I need a hand to hold onto, to guide me. I continue on but seem to make no progress. Is there even an end to this wretched maze?
Is it worth the struggle?
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| Sunday, October 22nd, 2006
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8:09 pm
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Ok so i've been thinking lately.... i need to actively pursue my religion more. So... is there anyone out there who might wanna start a relaxed yet consistent teen bible study? Maybe meet once a week and just discuss views and passages? Or even if your church holds such an event... please contact me and let me know!
So friday night i went to Howl-o-scream for the first time with Kelsey. Yeah i wasn't really scared... i was pretty much a stud. ...
... ok i screamed BUT NOT like a pansy. It was pretty fondu... then i got to hang out with Kelsey and her family on saturday. ... I miss her already.
Only 2 more days left of linens-n-things! Huzzah!
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| Monday, October 16th, 2006
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10:46 pm
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I had to go to school today, and work. But I was in a good mood. The fact that i have an exam a week from wednesday, didnt really bother me, and neither did the fact that i had to close tonight at work. I even looked in the mirror earlier this morning and thought something nice. But for some reason... there's always something. Something always gets me down. So now I feel like crap. And i look it too.
....... damnit.
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| Thursday, August 24th, 2006
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12:40 am - LOVE
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LOVE
So in Ids we were talking about Myths, here meaning shared traditions and beliefs of a cultural group. They gave purposes and examples. Such as the flood myth, or hero stories, coming of age or even journey stories. We were calling out other examples... and eventualy someone said Love stories. The professors looked at each other and started to explain that there weren't really any Love myths. They were usualy about something else; whether it be coming of age, hero, or even lust. That just took what I've been pondering lately and propelled it to a whole nother level.
So love... what is this love? It is defined as "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person." Some even divide love into sub categories;
Eros: Sexual Love
Ludis: Flirtatious, Teasing Love (associated with a teen-age kind of love)
Philo: Brotherly Love.
Storge: Friendship Love
Pragma: Logical Love (based on shared interests and common backgrounds)
Mania: Smothering Love. (possesive)
Agape: Divine Love. (Self-sacrificing love)
and then of course there's
Consummate Love: True love in every form
So is love really divided in such a way? Well, there has to be a difference between the way you love your siblings or parents, and the way you love your significant other. Or at least i hope there is. lol. So we have all these categories... however, I prefer Just three;
Loving: for family and friends
Being In-Love: for a significant other
True love: For that one special someone out there
The last seeming to be the most important, and most desired of them all. I suppose the last one includes consummate love.
There are so many aspects and questions when it comes to Love. So instead of going over many of them here.... I'd like anybody to comment with their take on love. Anything you want to say on the matter... That is... if anybody reads this. : /
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| Thursday, August 17th, 2006
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2:03 am
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Wow... alot has happened and I haven't posted in a while. But I don't think anybody really cares... or even reads this. Oh well! :D
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| Sunday, February 26th, 2006
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10:17 pm
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Dedicated to life, love, and most of all, Andrea:
We all take for granted the time we have. Ever since this summer i knew what living was all about. Living with no regrets, not holding back... and not letting others whom you may be close to hold you back. I miss L.A. so much these days.
This past summer was probably the best one i've had. It was really good for me to remove myself and take a closer look at some things, and different approach to others, to broaden my horizons, and change my pace a little.
Sometimes i wonder how things would be if i hadn't gone. The thought scares me. I wouldn't have the incredible bond i have with John, Leah, and of course Flip, Cindy, Dennis, and Domenic. But i'd also be in a place in my life that obviously wasn't good for me. I would be held down the way i was... now anything is possible.
The biggest loss however, would be that i wouldn't be with my love Andrea. I've never met anybody like her. I feel like i can finally be myself around her. Ok... so she's a vegan and I'm a carnivore, she's liberal and conservative, she's french and I'm English... lol. But none of that matters. We may periodically get into our little tiffs, but in the end all that matters is the incredible love we share. The feeling is so incredible, the whole world knows it... and they're all jealous.
With her i don't feel like my boundaries only reach to the edges of tampa or at the most florida. I love that... I love her! The world is my stage and one day, I'm going to get a standing ovation... hopefully starting with MFY in Morsani Hall. :D I don't feel as though I'll resent her or anything when I'm older, or have any regrets... which is new for me. As crappy as the past may have been to me at times, i wouldn't change a thing for fear of losing my love... my pooks.
Thank you Andrea for believing in me more than anyone else... especially me.
So I'm going to try to think positively more often, read my bible more, keep up my jogging, spend more time focusing on my snging, live life more instead of letting it pass me by, and let Andrea know how wonderful and how special she is to me. Andrea, you are the most beautiful, kind, loving, compassionate, inspiring, uplifting (etc.) person I know. "And humble too!" lol
Thanks pooks!
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| Saturday, January 7th, 2006
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2:28 pm
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things seem to be getting worse...
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| Wednesday, January 4th, 2006
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9:35 pm
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so... we're going to state. some of you know that i have mixed feelings about this. I didn't want the stress and nervosa all over again... plus i was thinking it would be fun to do another show... like a straight play. But then i was thinking positively and getting psyched about it... until...
I read the critic papers...
...and they upset me alot. The judges seemed to unanimously think, i need a lot of improvement (to put it in a nice way). Nobody got as many bad comments as me, in fact i dont believe anybody did except they said one song was hard to hear... but then went on to say the sold it well.
The comments weren't just about my singing (in which i know i need improvement), but also my actring. It's just sad cause I'm one of the only people in the show who wants to make a career out of this... and i seem to suck. It's quite demorilizing. This came at a most inoportune time as recently i had been feeling a high sense of hope for my future ambitions, something i hadn't felt in ages. But now that's gone. Well... these are my thoughts.
current mood:  depressed
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| Sunday, January 1st, 2006
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8:01 pm
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| Sunday, December 18th, 2005
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4:56 pm
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Merry Christmas Everyone!!!
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| Friday, December 9th, 2005
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3:33 pm
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One-acts was well... interesting... and fun. I got best supporting Actor!!! Congratulations to everyone for doing a good job!
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| Sunday, November 27th, 2005
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1:06 pm
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Wow... I will be an adult in approximately 10 hours and 54 minutes!!!!!!!!
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| Tuesday, November 8th, 2005
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6:05 pm
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1st performance was okay. Not fantastic, but okay.
One of the greatest feelings ever, is at the end of the show, when you go out for your curtain call. And as you stand on the stage you've been sweating and slaving over for months, you finaly get your pay. You remember exactly why you go through the pain, fear, yelling, dangers of falling off a horse, sore throat, aching legs and feet, endless rehearsals, loss of any spare time whatsoever, nerves (especially singing in front of your peers), mindless criticism from people who have no idea what theyre talking about, extra drama (the bad kind), and hell week just to name a few.
You seem to forget all that as you stand up there after a tiring performance and you hear them all aplauding for you. ..... and people think we don't get paid for this. HA!
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| Sunday, October 30th, 2005
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8:54 am
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Wow... i realy feel like shit.
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| Friday, October 28th, 2005
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8:23 pm
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I don't remember why this word "Friday" means so much to so many. I forget what weekends are. But i suppose that's expected when your a week away from a performance.
The smell of leather jackets in cold weather reminds me of England. I love it.
Being reminded of things reminds me of the game. Damn it.
Well i survived my songs... alright.
Halloween party tomorrow... I'm going as the doll from SAW. Couldn't think of anything else. My friends are gonna hate me. lol
Isn't Andrea Absolutely wonderful?
Busy weekend. Need to focus a little more on English. gah!
So I'm starting to write... wicked.
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| Monday, October 24th, 2005
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1:24 pm
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Went on a date saturday!
Petsmart
Crispers
Congo River golf
My house (watched Saw)
Bay side bridge
=D I've never really felt this way before.
Last night my sister and i bonded a little. It was nice.
This weather kicks butt. It feels like winter! As Rocker put very nicely: cold > Hot
But let us pray for those who were affected directly by the storm.
My Birthday's coming soon and i think im going to throw a big party at my house. =D
............My whole family loves her!
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| Sunday, October 16th, 2005
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8:42 pm
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Oh and I Love Andrea... a lot!
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8:27 pm
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::sings::
Don't you, forget about me.... don't don't don't you....
Anyway...
I mean come on... isn't cellular a really fun word to say. I wouldn't have brought it up if i knew there was going to be a crowd listening. gah!
~~~nervous~~~
-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-
Ok so it's official. I definately love Andrea more. There's no dispute anymore... because I Polka'd [sp? wtf?!!!] with Andrea's mom at Oktoberfest a few hours ago. omgoodness
After one of the rides i was so close to hurling. lol
I found my Beatles poster today!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now my room has potential! hehe
So what the hell am i going to do for my 18th birthday?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
::thinks in a cute, whinnie-the-poo sort of way::
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| Friday, October 14th, 2005
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1:25 pm
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So life's really weird right now... but i mean come on... when is it not?
I haven't felt this way... ever. I've felt something like this, but nothing this great. I Love Andrea... were hanging out today! =D
But, I'm not doing well with the show. I know 99% of my lines... but i suck at the songs. And i have like 5 of them. gah. Wednesdays rehearsal made me feel so bad.
I think i know what i want to do for college. So it's good that i have something to aim for... and I'm in no rush to move out of the house, so that works out too! SPC for 2 years, then off to FSU? ... we'll see.
I may have figured out why i always get myself down... then again maybe i haven't. ??? It's a thought.
Please God, please let me not have mono. Amen.
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| Monday, October 10th, 2005
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10:08 pm
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Wow... this is weird... i feel like shit and i have no idea why.
I guess we all have to feel bad sometimes.
“Autophobia”
I think I'm getting afraid of ending up alone again. Why does this bother me so much? Being alone a little every once in a while is nice and in many cases necessary for your well-being. But, I seem to have this irrational fear of growing older and having nobody there for me. It makes me feel weak... like i can't survive without someone's help. I don't get it cause these feelings are so random... I was on top of the world less than an hour ago!
...or maybe this fear isn't so irrational...?
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